Monday, February 9, 2009

life is a bump and it hits so hard- it wont bring out the tears from my eyes

more and more people are telling me I shouldnt be cutting. Like I dont fucking know (im sorry that was mean I havent slept and Im mad... yeah no exscuse). So now the people who are really trying to get me to stop are david and spanish dude (lol sorry i dont know his real name... he doesnt speak a lot of english, so its sorta hard talking to him and understanding him...) But spanish dude says its his job to help me... i dont get how eveyone want to help me... honestly their help is wasted on me. But whatever...

Ive cut like seven times... honestly it hurt like hell and it still does, my whole entire arm is sore. But its comforting (yeah I know that probably sounds sick). Im really going to have to hide these cuts though and I cant let any of my friends know.. Ive told them all Ive stopped and I want them to keep thinking that I have. I can still be my normal happy self around them I'll just have a few cuts hidden. Since Ive been hanging out with some people Ive been wearing long sleeves and havent let them get a good look at my arms. They know I cut but not to what extent and I want to keep it that way. And some of my cuts got infected, so thats not good. theyre really red and angry looking. Last time I cut I forgot to clean everything and to clean out the cuts... so now i feel stupid... whatever I got what I fucking desereve.

Oh yeah... my left hand is really sore. I kept punching until my knuckles bled. So its swollen and red but its starting to scab over. But I havent overdosed anymore. I really want to... but thats a different story...

ahhh im tired now and its only 11 lol


  1. People tell because they're worried about you, Andrea. If anything, you're doing a good job telling us about how you're feeling.

    But these comments are just things being read and tossed around, unnoticed, eh?

    I hope you'll pull through with whatever it is you're angered at.

  2. I know, it is retarded when people say they want to help you, but it's only their job. I'm not so thrilled you cut so many times at once, but that is your decision, and I will respect it. I am glad you haven't overdosed, congrats. You know what? You are way more real than any of the superficial bitches at school.