Ive cut again. Not pretty badly I guess. Enough for blood and for it to be a permanent scar but not enough for stitches. So yeah thats good...Ive forgotten how it feels to go out in public and have people stare at your scars. Mostly Ive been just staying home because I dont feel like doing anything when Im depressed. But getting out of the house feels good and Im going to be doing it more often. So I guess Im going to have to get used to the stares... Or I can always cover them up... But I was never really into that. Its not that i want people to see my scars, its that I dont want to hide who I am. And the cuts and scars have become apart of me whether I like it or not, theyre permanent so Im going to have to get used to them. When I cover them up I feel like Im hiding myself from everyone including myself and I never really come to terms with the fact that my arms will always look the way they do. And I dont want to go through the rest of my life hiding who I am everyday. But it really sucks when people think you dont hide them because you want attention... trust me thats the last thing I want. It bothers me so much that Im just going to go back to hiding them again... yeah... oh well...
"but how we survive is what makes us who we are" lol what does that make me?
"I excel at quitting early and fucking up my life."
rise against survive
ahhh and im listening to some older music recently
Bad Religion - It's Only Over When you give up
lol this is how ive been feeling lately
the ramones i wanna be sedated
lol and a song i always liked when i was high...
the cure high
Bad Religion - Fuck Armageddon...this is Hell
the clash i fought the law
Bad Religion - We Are Only Gonna Die
the cure the end of the world (some of their newer stuff)
ok i think i posted enough stuff... sue me im bored and cant sleep... lol its one in the morning and i still not tired