wow... lol
Yeah... Idk...
Okay so it's been 3 weeks and I have to go back to the doctors and probably go to a specialist. :[
but whatever things have been cool. I have a job and I actually have money to spend now. I don't know what I'm going to do with my money. I might save it up of spend it on my family and friends. I don't like spending momey on myself.
Ahhh i have to go... late fo rmy job
Monday, July 20, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Ahhh Im sickk!?!?!
This is why I don't like going to doctors, they tell you somethings wrong.
Ignorance is bliss I guess...
Well I knew SOMETHING was wrong I just didn't know what, so now I do... kinda.
Apparently I have Costochondritis.
So yeah the cartilage in my rib cage is inflamed :/ it's been like this for about three weeks.
And the doctor says I have something else too, he thinks it's rheumatoid arthritis. Ahh...
Isn't arthritis for old people? Come on when I think of arthritis I think of crippled old people not some 15 year old kid.
But it would make sense, and it does run in my family. lol we call it "Jarhling joints"
haha... it's weird because it's been bothering for like three years but I just got used to it. Until the pain became worse. I remember always telling my mom I feel old and in pain after playing with other kids...
I was wondering why I'm the only one in pain after I play games... nobody else is hurt and I just did what other kids do.
Ha I'm not crazy, yay!
The doctor took 5 vials of blood and is running different tests. The results should be done by monday. He wants to rule out some other diseases.
I'm supposed to go back to the doctors in 3 weeks if the pain still persists. And he's telling me to take so much medicine.
Ignorance is bliss I guess...
Well I knew SOMETHING was wrong I just didn't know what, so now I do... kinda.
Apparently I have Costochondritis.
So yeah the cartilage in my rib cage is inflamed :/ it's been like this for about three weeks.
And the doctor says I have something else too, he thinks it's rheumatoid arthritis. Ahh...
Isn't arthritis for old people? Come on when I think of arthritis I think of crippled old people not some 15 year old kid.
But it would make sense, and it does run in my family. lol we call it "Jarhling joints"
haha... it's weird because it's been bothering for like three years but I just got used to it. Until the pain became worse. I remember always telling my mom I feel old and in pain after playing with other kids...
I was wondering why I'm the only one in pain after I play games... nobody else is hurt and I just did what other kids do.
Ha I'm not crazy, yay!
The doctor took 5 vials of blood and is running different tests. The results should be done by monday. He wants to rule out some other diseases.
I'm supposed to go back to the doctors in 3 weeks if the pain still persists. And he's telling me to take so much medicine.
Friday, May 15, 2009
FIX ME!?!?!
Something Ive figured out.
Something that is considered culturally unacceptable is considered abnormal. What's considered abnormal is considered wrong and needs to be corrected and fixed.
I hate it when people force their beliefs down my throat, and they can get away with it because they are in a position of power over me. I dont think thats right. Thats mostly why I hate authority figures.
ugh....
But Im glad ya people commented on my other post! Finally some other people who think like me. Its sorta a relief to realize Im not a complete freak. But the pessimist in my says "well maybe youre all just freaks" I dont know. It's just nice to know theres someone else out there whos kind like you and understands the way you think. : ]
YAY!
Ive had two good days in a row. :]
Why do people like me, arent they sick of me yet. Well I thought they were but I guess not. Since Im single now a lot of guys have been trying to get to know me, it's weird. Three asked for my phone number. Theres like 2 I really like as friends, and I have so much fun hanging out with at school.
Do I see things in a weird way? I have NEVER met someone else who "sees things" like me. Not like hullicinations. It's like seeing without seeing. You see through your eyes and you see whats in front of you and in your periphrial vision. But I see myself, I do see with my eyes like other people but I also see things without my eyes. And I know I sound crazy, no one gets what Im trying to say. Its like Im watching a movie of my life. I see whats in a room from a point in the room and it would be like looking through another pair of eyes seeing at that point of the room, so I see myself and I also see things from different angles.
So I see the normal way and that way at the same time, but I see the other way in the back of my mind, its really hard to explain
it would be like me looking at a room from a "point" and seeing the normal way through my eyes, so I would see whats in the room including myself. While I see the room (and myself) that way I also see whats directly in front of me and to the sides just by looking through my eyes.
I see two different versions of the same thing at the same time, but I "see" them in my brain.
Wow. Like I said its hard to explain.. :/
I finally getting used to pretending I dont exist and it's making school SO MUCH more bearable. I spend most of the time thinking about how to not draw any attention to myself. I think I finally know how to get the kids to leave me alone for the most part.
-dont look at them, unless theyre talking to me. (otherwise they say "what the hell are you looking at?")
-pretend to be asleep on the bus so they dont talk to me
-dont make eye contact. So I always find a reason to keep my head down, even when Im walking
- dont talk, talking draws attention to myself
- I read and they usually leave me alone, but it doesnt always work
- Even though it doesn't take a long time to finish my work I intentionally take a long time so I dont draw attention to myself.
- Sit quietly at my seat, dont get up
- When I do talk I try not to use the words I usually do because they don't understand me because I use words they dont know and it just is too much attention
- always be polite and nice to everyone, even if I dont like them
- go out of my way to help people
- try not to do ANYTHING that might upset someone, I think about everything I do and what could potentionally happen
There's a lot more but I cant think of them : /
Oh guess what? Im going to write a book. Yep I have a lot of ideas for different books. I'm just not very good when it comes to writing down what Im thinking, it just sounds so much better in my head i guess?
some ideas:
-girl desperately crying out for help, she wants to kill herself. NO one believes her, and she does kill herself, and its about how her friend deals with everything.
- A girl who is considered a genius by some and crazy by others, mostly about different perspectives. Shows how ignorant people can be.
- kid with a bad home life and how they deal with it (bad parents, abuse, trauma)
- about a kid who feels their whole life is being controlled and its driving them crazy so they go to extremes just to feel like they have some control over their life
- shows how messed up society can be and how people can force their beliefs on other people. People controlling other people/abusing power.
yeah I dont know I felt liek blogging so much more, but now my head hurts and its one in teh morning. Im going to sleep. : ]
Something that is considered culturally unacceptable is considered abnormal. What's considered abnormal is considered wrong and needs to be corrected and fixed.
I hate it when people force their beliefs down my throat, and they can get away with it because they are in a position of power over me. I dont think thats right. Thats mostly why I hate authority figures.
ugh....
But Im glad ya people commented on my other post! Finally some other people who think like me. Its sorta a relief to realize Im not a complete freak. But the pessimist in my says "well maybe youre all just freaks" I dont know. It's just nice to know theres someone else out there whos kind like you and understands the way you think. : ]
YAY!
Ive had two good days in a row. :]
Why do people like me, arent they sick of me yet. Well I thought they were but I guess not. Since Im single now a lot of guys have been trying to get to know me, it's weird. Three asked for my phone number. Theres like 2 I really like as friends, and I have so much fun hanging out with at school.
Do I see things in a weird way? I have NEVER met someone else who "sees things" like me. Not like hullicinations. It's like seeing without seeing. You see through your eyes and you see whats in front of you and in your periphrial vision. But I see myself, I do see with my eyes like other people but I also see things without my eyes. And I know I sound crazy, no one gets what Im trying to say. Its like Im watching a movie of my life. I see whats in a room from a point in the room and it would be like looking through another pair of eyes seeing at that point of the room, so I see myself and I also see things from different angles.
So I see the normal way and that way at the same time, but I see the other way in the back of my mind, its really hard to explain
it would be like me looking at a room from a "point" and seeing the normal way through my eyes, so I would see whats in the room including myself. While I see the room (and myself) that way I also see whats directly in front of me and to the sides just by looking through my eyes.
I see two different versions of the same thing at the same time, but I "see" them in my brain.
Wow. Like I said its hard to explain.. :/
I finally getting used to pretending I dont exist and it's making school SO MUCH more bearable. I spend most of the time thinking about how to not draw any attention to myself. I think I finally know how to get the kids to leave me alone for the most part.
-dont look at them, unless theyre talking to me. (otherwise they say "what the hell are you looking at?")
-pretend to be asleep on the bus so they dont talk to me
-dont make eye contact. So I always find a reason to keep my head down, even when Im walking
- dont talk, talking draws attention to myself
- I read and they usually leave me alone, but it doesnt always work
- Even though it doesn't take a long time to finish my work I intentionally take a long time so I dont draw attention to myself.
- Sit quietly at my seat, dont get up
- When I do talk I try not to use the words I usually do because they don't understand me because I use words they dont know and it just is too much attention
- always be polite and nice to everyone, even if I dont like them
- go out of my way to help people
- try not to do ANYTHING that might upset someone, I think about everything I do and what could potentionally happen
There's a lot more but I cant think of them : /
Oh guess what? Im going to write a book. Yep I have a lot of ideas for different books. I'm just not very good when it comes to writing down what Im thinking, it just sounds so much better in my head i guess?
some ideas:
-girl desperately crying out for help, she wants to kill herself. NO one believes her, and she does kill herself, and its about how her friend deals with everything.
- A girl who is considered a genius by some and crazy by others, mostly about different perspectives. Shows how ignorant people can be.
- kid with a bad home life and how they deal with it (bad parents, abuse, trauma)
- about a kid who feels their whole life is being controlled and its driving them crazy so they go to extremes just to feel like they have some control over their life
- shows how messed up society can be and how people can force their beliefs on other people. People controlling other people/abusing power.
yeah I dont know I felt liek blogging so much more, but now my head hurts and its one in teh morning. Im going to sleep. : ]
Saturday, May 9, 2009
There's so much bottled up inside,and it's been shaken up
That song rings true. I used to take pills just so my mind would slow down. I just wanted to stop thinking about everything so much. I always think too much.
So IM a genius? Yeah fucking right. Why would you say that, Im not even that smart. You think that's the reason "I'm so different from society." No Im different because Im a freak, it's as simple as that. I just think too much and analyze everything, but that doesn't mean anything. It's hard to explain the way I think, every time I do I come off as crazy. I just wish I could meet somebody who thinks like me.
Like I saw a commercial on tv that said something "quaker" which reminded me of the quakers who settled america, and than quaker oats. Which reminded me off ducks because they quack (spelled closely to quaker). Then I thought of the time I was six and called a doctor a "quack", which got me thinking about doctors and how much I hate them. Then I thought of counselers because I hate them too, then I thought of my school counseler, and it just kept going on and on like that. My brain just automatically makes connections without me trying to make connections it just happens and it all happens so fast I literally thought of all that stuff simultaniously in a matter of seconds each. But it doesnt make sense to other people, maybe Im not good at explaining it. : [
I hate talking to people for extended periods of times when Im freely speaking my mind, because EVERY TIME I do they say "you have an interesting perspectve on things" "you're a very deep kid" "youre smart" "you are smarter than everyone else in the room" Now honestly why the hell would they say that? To mess with me?
It's just because I read a lot and mostly I read about philosophy, human nature, history, or science/ physics, and shakespeare. I like reading, I dont like admitting that because then I sound like a nerd. It's "not cool to read" Every day I read different book. I start a new one in the morning and go to school and read it when Im done my work so I dont become bored and get into trouble. Then I go home and read for a little. Then I go hang with friends and stuff and when I go home I just go back to reading until I go to sleep, by the time I actually go to sleep Ive finished my book. And by the way I talk, apparently I use "big words". And I when thinking about a topic I'll "see things that other people havent considered"
I dont know. Everyone in my family is really smart/gifted in some way, and Ive always wanted to be like them.
My math teacher is all surprised because Im a 9th grader taking geometry when everyone else in the class is in 10th or 11th. and I was supposed to take geometry in 8th. I feel sorry for the kids who want to learn something but cant get it. Honestly I dont know what it feels like for that to happen, I cant relate. For me to learn things in math all I need is to have someone show me and tell me how to do it correctly, and I'll just see how they do it and Im able to figure it out and do it easily. My teacher says I should do some job involving math because "you have a strong understanding of the basics and are able to grasp the new material easily" while there are other kids who try their hardest to do it but just cant.
Okay not to sound conceded or anything because I dont think im some genius kid, or even gifted. But I also dont think Im stupid, I do think I have an advantage though because I can understand new concepts easily, without much work on my part, it just comes easily. I just dont want to be like the rest of my family when they think that theyre so much smarter than everyone else.
My brother says "stupid people need to be shot, and that's why I'm not allowed to own a gun"
I wish I was more normal, I want to be able to function in society.
silverstein- my disaster
You medicate
So you can fall asleep
Your mind just won't shut down
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you found your other self
Or are you still somebody else
There's so much bottled up inside
And if it's shaken up it's going to explode
You can't stop it, you just can't stop it
You say you're done
You swear you've gave it up
Running in circles, you don't even care that you're going nowhere
You hate yourself
I still wonder where you are
I wonder if the thorn still in your side
Or did you pull it out in time
And now it starts to overflow
And spill its guts and ruin someones soul
You can't stop it, you just can't stop it
So IM a genius? Yeah fucking right. Why would you say that, Im not even that smart. You think that's the reason "I'm so different from society." No Im different because Im a freak, it's as simple as that. I just think too much and analyze everything, but that doesn't mean anything. It's hard to explain the way I think, every time I do I come off as crazy. I just wish I could meet somebody who thinks like me.
Like I saw a commercial on tv that said something "quaker" which reminded me of the quakers who settled america, and than quaker oats. Which reminded me off ducks because they quack (spelled closely to quaker). Then I thought of the time I was six and called a doctor a "quack", which got me thinking about doctors and how much I hate them. Then I thought of counselers because I hate them too, then I thought of my school counseler, and it just kept going on and on like that. My brain just automatically makes connections without me trying to make connections it just happens and it all happens so fast I literally thought of all that stuff simultaniously in a matter of seconds each. But it doesnt make sense to other people, maybe Im not good at explaining it. : [
I hate talking to people for extended periods of times when Im freely speaking my mind, because EVERY TIME I do they say "you have an interesting perspectve on things" "you're a very deep kid" "youre smart" "you are smarter than everyone else in the room" Now honestly why the hell would they say that? To mess with me?
It's just because I read a lot and mostly I read about philosophy, human nature, history, or science/ physics, and shakespeare. I like reading, I dont like admitting that because then I sound like a nerd. It's "not cool to read" Every day I read different book. I start a new one in the morning and go to school and read it when Im done my work so I dont become bored and get into trouble. Then I go home and read for a little. Then I go hang with friends and stuff and when I go home I just go back to reading until I go to sleep, by the time I actually go to sleep Ive finished my book. And by the way I talk, apparently I use "big words". And I when thinking about a topic I'll "see things that other people havent considered"
I dont know. Everyone in my family is really smart/gifted in some way, and Ive always wanted to be like them.
My math teacher is all surprised because Im a 9th grader taking geometry when everyone else in the class is in 10th or 11th. and I was supposed to take geometry in 8th. I feel sorry for the kids who want to learn something but cant get it. Honestly I dont know what it feels like for that to happen, I cant relate. For me to learn things in math all I need is to have someone show me and tell me how to do it correctly, and I'll just see how they do it and Im able to figure it out and do it easily. My teacher says I should do some job involving math because "you have a strong understanding of the basics and are able to grasp the new material easily" while there are other kids who try their hardest to do it but just cant.
Okay not to sound conceded or anything because I dont think im some genius kid, or even gifted. But I also dont think Im stupid, I do think I have an advantage though because I can understand new concepts easily, without much work on my part, it just comes easily. I just dont want to be like the rest of my family when they think that theyre so much smarter than everyone else.
My brother says "stupid people need to be shot, and that's why I'm not allowed to own a gun"
I wish I was more normal, I want to be able to function in society.
silverstein- my disaster
You medicate
So you can fall asleep
Your mind just won't shut down
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you found your other self
Or are you still somebody else
There's so much bottled up inside
And if it's shaken up it's going to explode
You can't stop it, you just can't stop it
You say you're done
You swear you've gave it up
Running in circles, you don't even care that you're going nowhere
You hate yourself
I still wonder where you are
I wonder if the thorn still in your side
Or did you pull it out in time
And now it starts to overflow
And spill its guts and ruin someones soul
You can't stop it, you just can't stop it
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Life. Wow.
So Im not going out with kenny anymore. He thought it would be a good idea to go out with his ex girlfriend while he was still dating me (and his ex has a boyfriend already). So yeah he asked me if we could all go out together. I dont know if he means I date her and him or if we both date him. Either way... FUCK THAT
Everyone thinks that Im so broken up about kenny. But Im really not, and I feel bad that I dont feel bad. It was like I didnt care, I was unaffected. It was even kind of a relief to not date anymore. Its like I can finally breathe again, and I feel horrible saying that. He was so paranoid always asking where I was who I was with what I was doing. He controlled me and told me what to do. He always wanted me to prove to him how much I loved him. And he kept pressuring me to do things I didnt want to do. I even tried explaining to him why I didnt want to do it but its like he didnt care.
So yeah...
Even though Ive been so stressed out lately I havent cut or overdosed at all. Im not saying that I havent thought about doing those things... just like I think about suicide. But not as something that Im ACTUALLY going to do. Its not that Im scared of dying. Its that I KNOW it will solve nothing. It will only hurt teh ones I love and who love me. That and I know Im only really depressed because of the school Im going to. But its ok because I get to go back to my old school next year. It just sucks that I had to waste so much of my life going to a school I "needed" but really only made things worse.
I havent gotten in any trouble at school and even made the honor roll. : ]
But now the teachers at school think Im suicidal because I was writing down song lyrics on my point sheet. (I had this one song stuck in my head and I was trying to remember the lyrics) (point sheets are a piece of paper the I5 carries around with them and the teachers give them points based on their behavior and participation.) (I5 is the program Im in, we dont have any mainstream classes and we get supervised the most)
Adam is still in basic training. Ive been writing him, and hes been writing back. Im so happy when I get a letter from him. I hope hes happy when he gets my letter. Of course I only tell him the good things going on in my life (i dont want to write anything to upset or worry him) But its nice focusing on whats going right with your life instead of whats going wrong.
Any way the song I wrote on my point sheet was silverstein- smashed into pieces. (my FAVORITE song right now)
Never Again.
I'll slit my throat with the knife I pulled out of my spine.
Maybe when you find out that I'm dead
you'll realize what you did to me.
[Chorus]
And if my lungs still let me breathe,
Would you be there for me?
If I can make myself believe,
I'll give you back what you took out.
No, I won't let it go.
Douse myself in gasoline!!
So Don't save me when you come into the fire.
I'd rather die than have to see your smile.
And if my lungs still let me breathe,
Would you be there for me?
If I can make myself believe,
I'll give you back what you took away.
You made me swear
You made me swear
I, I can't sleep realize all these things that you took from me.
Smash my heart (you made me swear)
into dust (you made me swear)
Suffocate my mind (you made me swear)
Tear at me from inside (you made me swear)
Smash apart what you created.
How can i ever stop you from crushing my soul?
It was It was yours, yours to begin with.
So Im not going out with kenny anymore. He thought it would be a good idea to go out with his ex girlfriend while he was still dating me (and his ex has a boyfriend already). So yeah he asked me if we could all go out together. I dont know if he means I date her and him or if we both date him. Either way... FUCK THAT
Everyone thinks that Im so broken up about kenny. But Im really not, and I feel bad that I dont feel bad. It was like I didnt care, I was unaffected. It was even kind of a relief to not date anymore. Its like I can finally breathe again, and I feel horrible saying that. He was so paranoid always asking where I was who I was with what I was doing. He controlled me and told me what to do. He always wanted me to prove to him how much I loved him. And he kept pressuring me to do things I didnt want to do. I even tried explaining to him why I didnt want to do it but its like he didnt care.
So yeah...
Even though Ive been so stressed out lately I havent cut or overdosed at all. Im not saying that I havent thought about doing those things... just like I think about suicide. But not as something that Im ACTUALLY going to do. Its not that Im scared of dying. Its that I KNOW it will solve nothing. It will only hurt teh ones I love and who love me. That and I know Im only really depressed because of the school Im going to. But its ok because I get to go back to my old school next year. It just sucks that I had to waste so much of my life going to a school I "needed" but really only made things worse.
I havent gotten in any trouble at school and even made the honor roll. : ]
But now the teachers at school think Im suicidal because I was writing down song lyrics on my point sheet. (I had this one song stuck in my head and I was trying to remember the lyrics) (point sheets are a piece of paper the I5 carries around with them and the teachers give them points based on their behavior and participation.) (I5 is the program Im in, we dont have any mainstream classes and we get supervised the most)
Adam is still in basic training. Ive been writing him, and hes been writing back. Im so happy when I get a letter from him. I hope hes happy when he gets my letter. Of course I only tell him the good things going on in my life (i dont want to write anything to upset or worry him) But its nice focusing on whats going right with your life instead of whats going wrong.
Any way the song I wrote on my point sheet was silverstein- smashed into pieces. (my FAVORITE song right now)
Never Again.
I'll slit my throat with the knife I pulled out of my spine.
Maybe when you find out that I'm dead
you'll realize what you did to me.
[Chorus]
And if my lungs still let me breathe,
Would you be there for me?
If I can make myself believe,
I'll give you back what you took out.
No, I won't let it go.
Douse myself in gasoline!!
So Don't save me when you come into the fire.
I'd rather die than have to see your smile.
And if my lungs still let me breathe,
Would you be there for me?
If I can make myself believe,
I'll give you back what you took away.
You made me swear
You made me swear
I, I can't sleep realize all these things that you took from me.
Smash my heart (you made me swear)
into dust (you made me swear)
Suffocate my mind (you made me swear)
Tear at me from inside (you made me swear)
Smash apart what you created.
How can i ever stop you from crushing my soul?
It was It was yours, yours to begin with.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
dont waste youre whole life trying to get back what was taken away
The offspring- Kristy are you doing okay
Its happened again. And I cant help but think, why me? But I know thats a useless thought. Well I know Im going to have to tell somebody eventually what happened this weekend. Basically this one boy (who I dont know) was following me in the woods. And he wouldnt leave me a alone. It was starting to scare me. He came up from behind me and grabbed me while he was rubbing up against me. He kept telling me that I was sexy and that he wanted to hug me and kiss me. Im so embarrassed and I feel stupid to admit that when he asked to kiss me I said okay (just so he could go away) he said all the wanted was a kiss then he would leave. But he wanted more than a kiss, and I know that now. When he kissed his tongue came into my mouth and I freaked out. I started walking away really fast but he stopped me and showed me his dick...
And now thats its over I cant help but cry and think about what happened last time. When I was walking home, I thought about jumping in front of a speeding car on the highway by my house. I just dont need this shit right now. How much can I take before I break?
There’s a moment in time
And it’s stuck in my mind
Way back, when we were just kids
Cause your eyes told the tale
Of an act of betrayal
I knew that somebody did
Oh, waves of time
Seem to wash away
The scenes of our crimes
But for you this never ends
Can you stay strong?
Can you go on?
Kristy are you doing okay?
A rose that won’t bloom
Winter’s kept you
Don’t waste your whole life trying
To get back what was taken away
Though the marks on your dress
Had been neatly repressed
I knew that something was wrong
And I should have spoke out
And I’m so sorry now
I didn’t know
Cause we were so young
Oh, clouds of time
Seem to rain on
Innocence left behind
And it never goes away
Its happened again. And I cant help but think, why me? But I know thats a useless thought. Well I know Im going to have to tell somebody eventually what happened this weekend. Basically this one boy (who I dont know) was following me in the woods. And he wouldnt leave me a alone. It was starting to scare me. He came up from behind me and grabbed me while he was rubbing up against me. He kept telling me that I was sexy and that he wanted to hug me and kiss me. Im so embarrassed and I feel stupid to admit that when he asked to kiss me I said okay (just so he could go away) he said all the wanted was a kiss then he would leave. But he wanted more than a kiss, and I know that now. When he kissed his tongue came into my mouth and I freaked out. I started walking away really fast but he stopped me and showed me his dick...
And now thats its over I cant help but cry and think about what happened last time. When I was walking home, I thought about jumping in front of a speeding car on the highway by my house. I just dont need this shit right now. How much can I take before I break?
There’s a moment in time
And it’s stuck in my mind
Way back, when we were just kids
Cause your eyes told the tale
Of an act of betrayal
I knew that somebody did
Oh, waves of time
Seem to wash away
The scenes of our crimes
But for you this never ends
Can you stay strong?
Can you go on?
Kristy are you doing okay?
A rose that won’t bloom
Winter’s kept you
Don’t waste your whole life trying
To get back what was taken away
Though the marks on your dress
Had been neatly repressed
I knew that something was wrong
And I should have spoke out
And I’m so sorry now
I didn’t know
Cause we were so young
Oh, clouds of time
Seem to rain on
Innocence left behind
And it never goes away
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Ima blog more : ]
yeah I know right?
anyway school has been... interesting. I havent been getting into anymore trouble lately. Ive finally simplified things. Instead of thinking about whats "right" culturally, ethically, personally, and what not, Im just going to do what I think is right. I had a problem with doing that before because i always thought "who am I to decide whats right?" I know some people dont know whats right (or dont care?) like psycopaths, and I was always afraid I would be one of those kind of people...
Most of the kids in the program at my school dont have good home lives, and its one of the reasons they are the way they are. Like this one kid, his parents both got fired from their jobs and theyre getting kicked out of their house, and hes not going to be able to go to school anymore. Hes also the kid who punched a hole in one of the walls at school and almost hit somebody in the head with a chair at school. I hope everything turns out okay with him. Other kids get abused by their parents... its just messed up. I wish I could do something, I should be able to do something. Its not right.
Well things are also going to be bad around here for a few days. Well Im going to be in a bad situation, but Im going to try and make the best of it. Things are what you make them, it doesnt have to be bad, right? Anyway so my moms going to be working for the next week, double shifts. So Im literally not going to see her for the next week. And shes freaking out because she didnt make a lot of money and her next paycheck wont be a lot. So we dont have a lot of money. Bills are going unpaid, and turn off notices have been sent. We're running out of food, but we'll make do, we always do, we've been through worse.
Sometimes i get really depressed. I go to school and get made fun of and whatever, dont learn anything, and come home to my mom and step dad arguing about money and talking about "what are we going to do?"
Ohh and the next time you think about being mean to somebody, please dont. First off its wrong, but you also dont know what theyre going through... Everybody has their own problems, and their own battles that they are fighting. Some people, its obvious that they are struggling with it, other people are better with hiding it. I happen to be one of the latter, turned into one of the former, all you have to do is check my wrists.
Well yeah i forgot where i was going with this, but I hope you have a good day anyway.
"So I guess that I will get another head and then get on with my life...You want to know who I really am? Yeah so do I, yeah so do I." xD
I'll think of a good song and post it later, Im so tired lol
anyway school has been... interesting. I havent been getting into anymore trouble lately. Ive finally simplified things. Instead of thinking about whats "right" culturally, ethically, personally, and what not, Im just going to do what I think is right. I had a problem with doing that before because i always thought "who am I to decide whats right?" I know some people dont know whats right (or dont care?) like psycopaths, and I was always afraid I would be one of those kind of people...
Most of the kids in the program at my school dont have good home lives, and its one of the reasons they are the way they are. Like this one kid, his parents both got fired from their jobs and theyre getting kicked out of their house, and hes not going to be able to go to school anymore. Hes also the kid who punched a hole in one of the walls at school and almost hit somebody in the head with a chair at school. I hope everything turns out okay with him. Other kids get abused by their parents... its just messed up. I wish I could do something, I should be able to do something. Its not right.
Well things are also going to be bad around here for a few days. Well Im going to be in a bad situation, but Im going to try and make the best of it. Things are what you make them, it doesnt have to be bad, right? Anyway so my moms going to be working for the next week, double shifts. So Im literally not going to see her for the next week. And shes freaking out because she didnt make a lot of money and her next paycheck wont be a lot. So we dont have a lot of money. Bills are going unpaid, and turn off notices have been sent. We're running out of food, but we'll make do, we always do, we've been through worse.
Sometimes i get really depressed. I go to school and get made fun of and whatever, dont learn anything, and come home to my mom and step dad arguing about money and talking about "what are we going to do?"
Ohh and the next time you think about being mean to somebody, please dont. First off its wrong, but you also dont know what theyre going through... Everybody has their own problems, and their own battles that they are fighting. Some people, its obvious that they are struggling with it, other people are better with hiding it. I happen to be one of the latter, turned into one of the former, all you have to do is check my wrists.
Well yeah i forgot where i was going with this, but I hope you have a good day anyway.
"So I guess that I will get another head and then get on with my life...You want to know who I really am? Yeah so do I, yeah so do I." xD
I'll think of a good song and post it later, Im so tired lol
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